Things that have been said tonight that sound so wrong

My girl friend came over and I let her cook in my kitchen and that was her Valentines Gift.

My girlfriend says ‘My boyfriend reads porno in my bed’

I normally don’t let any one cook in my kitchen. It was one of my anal qualities. I believe that if cooking is being done in my apartment then I should be the one doing it for my guests.

I am currently reading Porno by Irving Welsh